I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
