Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
A+ Viking dick
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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