I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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