my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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