dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
