i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
