my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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