i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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