wanna go halves on a baby?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we're making bets on your personal life
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
