Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
