I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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