i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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