obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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