I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
