I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
