If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
