I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
