you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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