I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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