i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
