Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
