Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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