covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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