spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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