You smell like stripper and shame
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
