My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
