Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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