just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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