good thing vaginas are great cup holders
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
