Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
