You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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