So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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