Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
