So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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