is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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