i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
