i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
