they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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