Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
