why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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