My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
