Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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