nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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