Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
