Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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