That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
