I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
