I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
