Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
