yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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