if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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