I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
