i just wanna soil my oats bro
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
